When I told my childhood friends that we are getting married and is starting with our wedding preparations, the advice I got from most of them is: NEVER FIGHT ABOUT THE PREPARATIONS.
It was sort of a warning from some of them because a few had their relationships broken with their partners due to the pressure of wedding preparations. I never quite understand the advice and frankly, I was a bit offended with it because in my mind I was wondering why they think it might happen to us. I mean, why would any couple fight over the preparation of a milestone in their relationship.
I am beginning to understand now what they meant. Wedding preparation are like the litmus paper test for couples in starting the married life. The reason is because reality starts to set-in in their relationship with the idea of spending the rest of their lives with one person and raising a family of their own. Little by little, signs of maturity or immaturity surfaces in handling money and decision-making issues. It either strengthens a couple or yes and sadly, breaks them apart.
I have read and heard a lot of stories of weddings not pushing through because both parties were not able to resolve the issues to their wedding preparations. Usually, it is the inability of one partner to support the other and the feelings of neglect couples by sheer pressure that drives couples to fight during the preparations. So far, for Jp and I, we have yet to tackle a road block on our relationship based on the wedding preparations. It helps that we have an open communication and that we had the following rules that we follow:
1. "WEDDINGS ARE A GIRL'S THING" ATTITUDE
-I have said it before that Jp and I had a mutual agreement that when it comes to the wedding details, I will be the one to handle it. Not that Jp does not want to participate, it is just that he does not have a clue what to do for the wedding. I know not everyone will agree with my post but for us, this set-up works well. As much as I would want Jp to help me in researching our wedding theme, motif, wedding flowers, cake designs, pre-nup ideas, I know that his personality does not really interest him to do so.
What it simply meant was, if your boyfriend is not into the wedding details, do not force him to participate if not wanted. In our case, I know Jp, if you try to tell him to do something he does not like, he won't do it. The more I whine and nag about it the more conflict it would bring. Men eventually come around when the guilt feeling reels in. You will be surprised that he actually will research on his own. Anyway, I get the free reign on what I want for the wedding without waiting for Jp's contribution.:)
2. MUTUAL AGREEMENT ON THE BUDGET
-We have set a budget for the wedding based on the amount of money we can afford to save. Our agreement is, we will only get a supplier within our given budget and it cannot absolutely exceed regardless how much we want to get the supplier. We cannot afford to jack up our expected savings and just rely on luck for us to come out with our wedding money. In this department, we are helping each other to be rational. Money is a valuable thing to waste and money should never, ever, ever BE AN ISSUE! If it does not fit the budget, it should not be considered.
3. IF IT IS A NICE-TO-HAVE, WE SHOULD PAY FOR IT ON OUR OWN
-Example, I want a back-up photographer and he does not. Since we agreed it is just something nice-to-have then I would be paying for it myself. It translates to less arguments for us.
4. MUTUALLY DECIDE ON GETTING A SUPPLIER
-What I do is I research on a supplier. Once I have short listed a couple, I would send to Jp all the links of their website and packages then we decide both on the supplier we want the most. It pays that we have the same taste.
5. AND LASTLY, OFFER OUR CONCERNS AND DECISIONS TO GOD
-When we do get to a point that we sense we would have an issue in our wedding preps, we have agreed to always pray to the Lord for guidance. If we cannot handle it, we will let God.
Wedding preparations should always bring the best in the couple and not destroy them. After all, the decision to get married is based on the fact that the relationship has reached the point of stability for issues to be confronted and solved. These things work well for us and I hope some of you can pick a thing or two that you can apply on your own.